Bully? My son?

Sending Jordan off to school was hard for me. Since he had no siblings and no playdates in his experience, I worried that he would be at a disadvantage. So, we put him in karate classes to learn confidence and a bit of socialization. Still that wasn't school.

And so it was with horror that I heard about Jordan pushing kids and being in effect the thing I had tried to keep him from becoming: a bully. Long discussions ensued, hours of research online about why kids bully, and finally, along with some punishment consisting of video games being taken away for a week, we had some understanding of what bullying was and why it wasn't the thing to do.

Then I went on a school trip to the zoo, and my eyes were opened.

Jordan wasn't bullying. He was mimicking others, giving back what was done to him. Unfortunately for the others, Jordan is bigger, more competitive, and stronger. But Jordan, having no sibling rivalry to fall back on in his experience, he didn't know how to hide what he did or--dare I say it?--lie about what happened.

Now Jordan is aware of his advantage in size to the other kids and he's much more careful. He has to put up with some annoyances, and I'm more proud than ever that he is doing it. He's only four, for crying out loud.

Preschool is therefore not much more than a social experiment. His mom and I teach him way more than he learns there, but we don't have a dozen kids to interact with on a regular basis, and that's good for the boy, I suppose. At least he seems to have a ball there, not to mention at karate and soccer, especially soccer. I mean, what better sport for a kid than running, chasing down a ball, and kicking it?

But bullying. Nope. He's a caring little individual, learning where he fits in. And he's figuring out that some people just don't always make sense.

Attennn--SHUN!

Jordan's mom and I are not shy by nature, but we're not exactly the lives of the party, either. We rarely go to parties, in fact. That's why we were a bit concerned that Jordan would be shy when he was away from us. Fear abated.

Jordan takes any and all attention and will do just about anything to get it, from eating dirt to falling on the floor as if in a faint. His fearless ambition is as much a part of him as my easy-going complacency is to me. I'm sure Jordan could be "taught" complacency; he learns quickly. But it's more fun championing his fearlessness and seeing where it takes him.

Growing up in the future

Now that my son is growing up around me, I remember my own younger days now and then. I vaguely remember people talking about the Dick Tracy wrist communicator. That was science fiction, even fantasy to some.

These days I walk around with that kind of communication power. It's not on my wrist, but it's pretty small and it can be accessed from an earbud connected via radio waves.

Jordan won't have to deal with heavy handsets connected by cords to even heavier phone parts. As you see in the photo, he's quite at home in Daddy's future world, and ready for much, much more.

Adjustments

The boy is going on a month of school now, and he's loving it. He has a best friend, Chase, he's played with girls, and has almost learned when he has to be still and when he can go crazy. Recess is his favorite time, except for everything else he does, especially Play-doh day. I am so impressed by his abilities, attitude--even when it's a bad attitude--and natural ebullience.

That's him in the orange shirt in the photo. Besides school and karate, he's also doing a couple of months of soccer one evening a week. We were a little afraid it would all be too much, but that's not the case at all. He loves running on the field. It won't take too much longer for him to realize that the other boys are teammates and are to be a part of the team goal of winning. So far, the 4-5 year olds haven't shown much desire to actually win anything as much as they simply like to run with the ball and kick it into the net. Of course, a few of them--Jordan included--like to follow the ball into the net. It will be a trip to see how the games go, and I'm sure I'll be as impressed by his progress in soccer as I have been with his karate and his schooling.

Taking an afternoon walk yesterday, I saw a group of preteens accompanied by a boy not much older than Jordan, maybe 5 or 6. While the older boys were trying to be all bad and cool, wearing their hats sideways and shoving each other around like creeps (excuse the judgment call), the child skipped and twirled now and then, showing the energy and pure joy of life still inside him. The joy of a child. Where does it come from and where does it go?