Movie observation

I've noticed that many of the movies that I like to watch over and over include strong father-son characterizations, sometimes in surprising areas. One such is A Knight's Tale,, in which the father has to give away his son to give him a better life and they meet years later.

Another: Jungle 2 Jungle, the comedy with Tim Allen and his son named in the movie Mimisiku, which in the language of the tribe means cat piss. It's a territorial thing, his mother says of the boy who chose the name at the age of six.

The Day after Tomorrow, besides featuring the grand special effects, also dealt with a father's determination to keep his word to his son trapped in the frozen city of New York.

Nemo, the cartoon feature, was all about the search for a missing son. Minority Report, the Spielberg sci-fi movie, involved a father/son and a daughter/mother search for closure. I, Robot had several levels of father/son, father/robot, grown-up/rascally neighborhood kid action.

This is probably not big news to a lot of people, but to me, it was an "aha!" moment.

The bond between a child and a parent should be the strongest bond there is. And movies that play on this emotion play over and over.

Accomplishments: Making friends

Jordan never had the advantage of playdates and having friends come over or going to visit friends, so it's been with some trepidation that I've watched his growth at making friends. Such things happen like everything else for children: at their own pace. Things like talking, walking, feeding themselves, all those come around the same time for kids, but there's a wide range, depending on the child.

I've watched Jordan in his karate classes learn the value of friends, figure out when friends are playing, and want to make new friends. His karate has also helped him become more coordinated, to the point where he's almost dancing. Two months ago, or however long ago it was he started, he jumped and twirled like a drunk giraffe when told to do certain manuevers. But now, he's graceful and precise. Well, most of the time. Sometimes he reverts to his goofy self.

He’ll start three hours an afternoon of prekindergarten in a couple of weeks, along with two or three sessions of karate a week, and evidently he’ll have six weeks of Saturday soccer lessons sometime soon. Sounds like a lot to me, but I’m a doofus slacker at heart. Jordan’s asked for it all, though, so we’ll see how he does. He has no shortage of energy when it comes to having fun, and that’s how he sees most of this stuff. I just hope I can keep up.

Good examples

As a parent, I’m constantly thinking about how the world impinges on my son’s good nature. Yes, he has a bad nature, too, and I worry about that impinging on the good that is in the world. But it’s more the former that bugs me. And it bothers me most when it’s my irreverence that causes my son to fear. Last week, it was all the above.

We were at the pool and a couple of kids were being noisy, rowdy, and generally bad. Jordan wanted to splash with them, but they were 12 or 13 and didn’t want anything to do with Jordan, who tried to help them gather toys they were playing with and gave them to one of the boys who just took the stuff and turned away. Jordan came to me wondering why he didn’t say thanks. I didn’t know what to say except that they didn’t have good manners, and I said it so they could hear. Didn’t matter to them.

Then came the F-bomb. I shouted, “Language!” Scowling, I wanted to get out, but I knew that Jordan wasn’t through playing and it would be a problem getting him to leave. I didn’t want to ruin his good time because of some other kids’ meanness. But then the two started fighting with each other, the bigger one grabbing and choking the smaller one. Jordan asked me if they were hurting each other, and I just lost it. I yelled at the two hoodlums to quit the crap, which was well and good, within my rights, but then I kept on, talking about how they were examples to others and how their actions reflected negatively on them and the way that people respected or disrespected them. Those weren’t the exact words. I wish they had been. They sound pretty good. At least I didn’t cuss at them, though.

Jordan was as scared as anyone by my tirade, and I didn’t really feel that great about it myself. Neither of the boys said anything, and five minutes later one of them left. That didn’t make me feel real great, though, as the other one stood in the pool with his back to me playing with his Star Wars figures.

Then Jordan started paddling around near the boy and purposefully trying to splash him. I shook my head grimly at Jordan, but he continued to try to splash the guy. So, I picked up my stuff and left, Jordan running after me. I was in no mood to have to explain why it is that revenging one’s self on someone by doing the same thing he did just lowers you to that level. Truth be told, I was in no mood to be outside at all. But you try, don’t you, to do what makes your children happy.

Ever since, I’ve felt bad for those other two boys, and I owe them an apology. Not for yelling at them about cussing and fighting, but for the tirade. I could have taken another tack. Could have talked like a normal person, trying to win them over with kindness instead of screaming. After church yesterday, I felt like I need to have one of those WWJD bracelets so that I would always think about what He would do. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have screamed at the kids.

Worst of all, in my zeal to protect my son from learning a new word and how to mistreat someone smaller than he, I let him see me lose my composure, and the precedent is set. I can’t take it back. I just hope I can somehow explain it so it makes sense to a four-year-old.